When there was time, I didn’t looked at you. And now when I don’t have time, I want to look at you forever. Is this a revenge of fate? Or is this how life is for everyone? I don’t know. I feel so weak and the longing for someone makes it all the more painful. I wonder, was this how she felt all these years when I didn’t get the time to even kiss her for weeks because I was out for work. Or maybe she didn’t pay much attention either and was often busy with her own work. Does she regret it now like I do? I suppose we didn’t have time for each other, and maybe we both miss each other now. But what about it now? Does thinking like this change anything? After the divorce we haven’t been able to find the courage to send a single text or give a call. Or maybe we both have been waiting for the other person to contact.
Should I contact her? What if she has moved on? Is getting retired this hopeless for everyone? What if she has gotten married to someone else? But should I call her? Isn’t the only reason I am thinking about her because I have no job now? Or was this always at the back of my mind?
Does it have to be this tough? Can’t I just contact her and see what’s going to happen? Then I can know it for sure.
He went up to his phone. He still had her cell number, but wasn’t that almost five years old. Did that even work now? What if someone else picked up the phone?
Oh what the hell. Just stop this. I am thinking again and, Questions with no definitive answers are coming in the mind.
He picked up his phone, searched her contact and called her. The ring went on for a whole minute but no one answered. He lost hope. I knew, but still I needed to try.
After an hour his phone rang. It was her. He could tell it by the ring. He picked up the phone and heard her breath. The breath that had been alongside him so many times, the breath that had touched every part of his body. He could realize how important that breath was now. He spoke “Hey”.
The woman replied in a soft voice, “Feeling lonely?”
His eyes moistened. What was this feeling. Didn’t he felt like this when he first met her in college? He replied, “Not really. I was just you know…” a pause followed, he didn’t know what to say. He finally stopped thinking and said, “Yes, I was feeling lonely.”
He could see the woman smile on the other side of the phone. She replied, “Was it that difficult? See. I have been waiting.”
“Why didn’t you call then?”
“Because I knew you would have been busy. And when you are done, you will come for me.”
He gasped. He had to fight against his tears so hard, I can’t be weak now. I don’t want her to think that I have become weak.
She said, “Dont hold back. Not now. Please. I might not be there if not this time”, as if reading his mind.
Tears rolled down his eyes. Large drops, that have waited so long to come outside and kiss the air. He just said, “Stupid. I want to meet you. Please.”
The bell rang. She replied, “Oh. Looks like someone’s home.”
He was surprised. He prayed that what he was thinking was true and went to open the door.
As soon as he came near the door, he could feel her presence. He started crying and sat on the ground with his back to the door. “H…How?” He asked.
“Aren’t you going to open it? I got into the car as soon as I saw your first call. I wasn’t able to pick it up for that reason.”
“How did you know that I would want to meet you?”
“I was your wife for a long time. And you called, that meant I needed to be there for you.”
“Why? I don’t want you to see me crying.”
“If I go now, you might not get to see me ever.”
“Don’t say such words. My heart and mind feel they have been waiting for this moment for so long. My body won’t stop shaking. It wants to apologize and grab you so tight that it won’t ever let go of you. How will my mind ever be able to comprehend not seeing you. Stop threatening me. I will open up.”
He stood up, unlocked the door and let the shine of the sun come in. Or was it the shine from her, he didn’t know.
The next thing he remembered was kissing her on his doorstep.